Conduct Unbecoming of Clone Detectives
by BabyBrown
Summary: AU where Luke Callaghan finds out he has a clone.
1. Chapter 1

_Written for petragem over at omg-rookieblue on livejournal_

* * *

Gail grabs her gun when she hears a crash outside her bedroom window. There's been a string of home invasions in her neighborhood lately so she always keeps it within reach. Pulling back her curtains, all she sees is an empty fire escape. Sighing in relief, she double checks the lock on the window before walking back to the kitchen, a lonely bottle of Riesling waiting for her on the counter.

Or at least that's what she _would_ have been doing if it wasn't for the palm suddenly slamming against the window.

Raising her gun, she approaches the window cautiously. When she pulls back the curtain to get a better view, a pair of blue eyes stare back at her and she jumps. "Christ on a cracker! Luke, what the hell are you doing here?" When he doesn't answer, she knows something is wrong.

"Luke?" Gail opens the window and watches as Luke falls in a heap onto her bedroom floor, blood all over his clothes. She automatically starts pulling off his jacket to search for the source of all the blood, all but dragging him to the bathroom.

"Come on Callaghan, let's get you cleaned up. Then you can tell me what the hell you're doing here and not at a hospital."

With his help, she manages to get him seated on the toilet. After checking every inch of his body for open wounds, she's relieved to find a bruised hand and a shallow cut on his forehead to be his only injuries (she hates how heavily head wounds bleed,) but it's nothing a good night's sleep and some whiskey can't fix.

As she gets a good look at him under the terrible fluorescent lighting, Gail can't help but notice something is…_off_. And it isn't just the pale complexion and bloodshot eyes staring back at her.

No, it's the way he's undressing her with his eyes, making her extremely uncomfortable in a way he's never made her feel before.

"He was right, you are something else." Luke's eyes roam over her body again, "but he forgot to mention glutes I could bounce a quarter off of. You do yoga?"

Gail gives him a wary glance, "You're talking more nonsense then usual, Homicide. Do I have to worry about brain damage?"

"Only if it means we get to play doctor. What do you say hot stuff? Wanna be my nurse?" He says, a smirk playing on his lips. Okay, now she knows something is definitely wrong with him.

Before she decides whether or not to call an ambulance, she hears the the buzzer indicating someone at her door. Gail sticks a finger in Luke's face, "Don't move. I don't need you slipping and knocking yourself out." She can feel his eyes latching onto her ass as she walks out and throws him the finger. Whatever is going on with him, she doesn't like it at all.

The doorbell gets louder when she exits the bathroom, the person behind the door being obnoxiously persistent. "Coming, I'm coming!" She yells out, wondering if the entire world has gone insane. But when she opens the door and sees the person standing there, she begins to wonder if she's the one with the head trauma.

"Luke?!" Gail stares at him openly as he invites himself in. The rumpled clothes and disheveled hair, as well as the bruise like shadows under his eyes, make him look like he hasn't slept in days. Gail also notices the lack of blood on him. He does not look like the Luke she just left in her bathroom a minute ago. "How the hell did you get outside?"

When he sees the blood covering her shirt, instead of answering her question, he curses like she's never heard him do before.

"Where is he?" Luke growls, pulling out his phone and dialing furiously.

"Who-"

"Chad." He cuts in, phone pressed against his ear. "I'm gonna kill that idiotic asshole."

"Hey, no need for name calling bro."

They are both interrupted by the figure appearing in the bathroom doorway, "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot coming from his pocket.

"We are not brothers." Luke says with clenched teeth, hanging up his cellphone.

"Whatever you say…bro."

"What the hell are you doing here?" Luke's fists clench at his side.

"I was scared. I thought someone was following me." Chad hopes to appeal to Luke's protect and serve nature, but this just makes him even angrier.

"And so you decide to come here? To my girlfriend's apartment?!" Luke yells, taking a step closer to Chad.

"Whoa calm down Luke. She's a cop with a gun. I figured I'd be safer here than out there." He tilts his head towards the window.

"Can someone explain what the hell is going on?" Gail interrupts before their bickering turns into an all out brawl. Both Lukes raise their eyebrows and it's the most jarring thing she's ever seen.

"Can you explain how he looks exactly like you, barring the whole sleazy fratboy stare, ends up in my bedroom? Seriously, my eyes are up here." Gail glares at not-Luke when she catches him staring at her chest.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Luke rubs a hand through his hair.

"What, is he your clone?" She obviously means this as a joke but by the identical looks on their faces, she knows she's hit the nail on the head.

"Holy shit, you're serious." Luke turns to her, the line between his eyebrows growing deep with worry. This is a familiar sight. Whatever is going on, Gail feels comforted to at least know which one is _her_ Luke.

"Gail, do you remember that case I was working on? The string of victims all with their faces slashed beyond identification?"

Gail nods. "Yeah, what about it?"

"Well I stumbled onto something, a lead into the identity of one of the victims. He had my face Gail." The haunted look on his face makes Gail feel sorry for him. "So I went back and ran some DNA on all the victims." Luke turns back to Chad and gives him a glare, "Chad's the only one I've found alive."

Luke, the real Luke, walks towards her. "Gail, I know this is a lot to take in but I really need you to believe me."

Gail looks back and forth between the two men and walks into the kitchen without a word. Following her, Luke and Chad watch as she takes a large swig from a bottle of wine. She looks back and forth between them again and takes a deep breath.

"Okay, so my boyfriend is a clone." She takes another large swig and seems to come to a decision. "At least I picked the good one."

"So you believe me?" Luke looks at her in amazement. Gail shrugs and gives him a smile.

"It's hard not to believe when I've got the Doublemint twins standing in my kitchen. So I guess I do."

Smiling for the first time since he's entered her apartment, Luke rushes toward her. Cupping her face in his hands, he places a soft kiss on her lips. This, his hands on her face, feels right to Gail and she immediately relaxes in his grip.

"Don't mind me, I'll just sit here and enjoy the show." Chad says, grabbing the bottle of wine Gail placed back onto the counter.

"Shut up Chad." Luke and Gail both respond, before Gail pulls Luke's face back down to hers.


	2. Chapter 2

"I can't eat this." Chad pushes away the plate Gail places before him, his face giving the appearance of a spoiled toddler.

"Why, you on a diet?" She quips, digging into her own portion of microwave-nuked lasagna. Breakfast of champions.

"Please, do you see my body?" he scoffs, lifting up his shirt to showcase his abs. "9% body fat," Chad boasts as he smoothes down his shirt. "No, I'm lactose intolerant."

"I didn't realize clones had such delicate digestive systems." Gail replies, getting up to pour more coffee into her mug. First it was that he had an allergic reaction to her shower gel. Now he's got a sensitive stomach. Who knew Luke's genetic identical would be so high maintenance.

Luke, who has been silently sitting next to her during this entire exchange, rolls his eyes, but Gail can see the c-word bothers him more than he's letting on.

"I'm taking a shower." Luke says, getting up from his stool, giving Gail a quick peck on the cheek and throwing a threatening glare at his doppelganger as he walks out of the room. Gail knows that despite having identical DNA, he trusts Chad about as far as he can throw him. But she didn't need him to protect her; she ate morons like Chad for breakfast.

Speaking of breakfast, Chad dumps the lasagna in the garbage before rifling through her refrigerator, making disgusted noises as he sees the amount of takeout containers she's got stacked in there. "What, don't you know how to cook?" He says, wrinkling his nose in disapproval.

The urge to punch him in the nose is overwhelming, but she resists the temptation. "Do I look like Rachel Ray? I'm a cop, not a chef, so if you want something make it yourself."

At first, having Luke's polar opposite in her apartment was amusing; the whole nature vs nurture theory playing out right in front of her. Their opposing personalities clashed at every turn and Gail felt like she had stepped into a sitcom. But after two days of Chad being holed up in her apartment, "for his safety", that amusement was wearing fast and thin. Luke's initial description of him was right, he really was an idiotic asshole.

Further proving her opinion of him, Chad pulls out a joint from his pocket. "You don't mind do you?" He doesn't even wait for an answer before lighting up.

"You do realize you're blazing infront of a cop, right?" She says around a mouthful of food, almost impressed with his nerve.

"What are you gonna do, arrest me?" Chad grins at her, blowing smoke out the side of his mouth. As annoying as he might be, not to mention disgustingly inappropriate, Gail can't help but laugh at his antics. It's not like she's attracted to him, hell to the no, it's just that she wishes a tiny bit of his sense of humor would rub off on Luke. Sometimes she's tired of being the witty one in the relationship and wishes he'd lighten up a bit; to stop acting like the weight of the world is resting on his shoulders and his shoulders alone.

"Just hand it over." She sticks her hand out for the joint. Chad's frown of disappointment turns into one of glee when she takes a long drag and exhales like a pro. She then hands him it back to him. He gives her an approving nod, almost like he's impressed with her.

"I like you. You're not like Ainsley."

"Who's Ainsley?" She asks, a long stream of smoke leaving her nose.

"My wife."

"You're married!?" Gail chokes out. "Who the hell would put up with you til death do us part?"

A very Luke-like frown appears on his face, making her immediately regret asking.

"My monitor" he says darkly, a complete contrast to his previous lightheartedness. He brings the joint back to his lips and inhales deeply.

For a moment, Gail feels sorry for him. She can't imagine what that must be like, to find out the person you decided to spend the rest of your life with turned out to be a spy.

Chad nods towards the bathroom where they can hear the shower running. "So what the hell are you doing with grumpy? I mean, you seem to be too cool for that loser." He tries playing it off nonchalantly, but Gail can just make out the seriousness of his inquiry. Despite appearances of mutual dislike, Chad was actually trying to protect Luke from suffering his fate.

A burst of laughter explodes from her mouth and Chad looks peeved. "What's so funny?"

"You like him." Gail manages to say.

"No I don't." He shakes his vehemently, looking like a middle schooler in denial over a crush.

"Yes you do. You're trying to protect him." Gail laughs some more, the sitcom playing infront of her once more.

"So what if I am." Chad bites back defensively. "He's the only one that seems to care whether I live or die. He's all I've got now." Chad finishes quietly, and once again Gail feels sorry for him. Her heart thuds painfully for Luke, and she wants nothing more than to comfort him, but she knows she has to wait for him to open up to her first. They were similar in that way.

But Chad is a completely different animal.

Sighing, Gail places a hand over his. "I'm know im gonna regret this in about five minutes but you've got me too."

Chad smiles impishly, all anxiety banished from his mind. "Does that mean you'll sleep with me too?"

"And there it is," Gail moans, withdrawing her hand.


	3. Chapter 3

_I no longer have any control over this, it's like verbal diarrhea._

* * *

"Hey" Gail sighs when Luke slides into bed with her, spooning against her back. Arms warm and steady around her, she's relieved to find he's returned to her unscathed.

Three days ago, Luke had found a solid lead on another living clone, and so he took Chad with him to help convince this Jack Anderson (aka Luke #3) that he wasn't crazy. For three days she's had to go to work and pretend she wasn't worried sick that'd he'd show up in a body bag. For three days she's had to sleep alone in her bed, missing him more than she thought was possible. Knowing that his life was in danger, that he was some maniac murderer's target, every dead blonde male that she was sent out to investigate would become Luke in her head. It was making her sick to her stomach.

Three days was too long...but now he was back.

"I missed you," she murmurs, her ass pressing back against his groin. She immediately finds him already hard and she can feel her clit begin to throb in anticipation. Gail chuckles huskily, "seems like Luke Jr. missed me too."

Three days was too long to go without sex.

Soft lips drop kisses along the side of her neck, and she feels the throbbing between her legs spread to her lower abdomen. Next, a fingertips lightly glide up and down her thighs, making her happy she wore her easily removable boy shorts instead of the sweatpants she was considering earlier.

"If I knew you were that happy to see me, I would have let Luke bleed out in the alley behind your apartment."

Eyes flinging wide open, she turns in bed and accidentally whacks Chad in the nose with her elbow. Unfortunately for her, she didn't break anything.

"Chad!? Get the fuck out of my room." She kicks him out of her bed and he falls to the floor with a loud thump. She's about to reach for her gun to threaten him, when his words come back to her like a sledgehammer to the brain. "Wait, what did you say about Luke?" Her heart begins thudding erratically.

"We got into a fight with some _assassins_." He whispers the last word like he's expecting someone to pop out of her closet and shoot him. Gail is extremely tempted to do it herself. At her glare, Chad raises his hand in supplication. "Hey, I gave him an ice pack for the head bump and a towel to wipe off the blood. He's good." Gail flings off the covers and runs into the living room, but not before kicking Chad once again, this time in the shin. "You're such an asshole."

"Hey, I could have just left him there." Chad yells out in self-defense, pain coloring his voice as he rubs his shin.

When Gail reaches the living room, she sees a trail of dirty and bloody clothes leading into the kitchen. At this rate, she should just put a sign outside her window saying _'Wounded Clones Enter Here.'_

"Luke?!" She calls out, relieved to see him standing by the sink, running his hand under the tap. Taking inventory of his injuries, Gail can see traces of dried blood on the bridge of his nose, and her relief turns back into dread. Turning around, he manages to throw her a small smile before wincing in pain. "Hey" he says, his voice weak and laced with discomfort.

"Oh my god." She says, rushing for the first aid kit in the cabinet under the sink. She was so going to kick Chad's ass.

Dabbing some rubbing alcohol onto a cotton ball, Gail starts cleaning off the blood on his chin.

"It's not as bad as it looks." Luke winces in reply as Gail applies more pressure. Satisfied when all the blood is gone, she moves onto his left hand. Pulling out the tweezers from the first aid kit, she starts pulling small shards of glass out of the scrapes on his palms.

"Tell that to your nose." It was definitely broken and she was afraid to even touch it for fear of hurting him even more. "What the hell happened?"

"I got jumped from behind, some guy hit me on the back of the head, but I managed to take him out."

"You killed him?" Everything was beginning to get too real for her. In the beginning it was like the threat against Luke's life was a theoretical enitity. It was far away and they had plenty of time to prepare before it came. But now that she sees blood, his blood, staining her hands, she's now more scared than she'd like to admit.

"And where the fuck was Chad?" She growls in anger, her fear making her tone sharper than usual.

"He hid behind a dumpster." Luke answers, clearly not as furious as he should be. _That's alright_, she thinks, she can be pissed off enough for the both of them.

"See, I told you he was fine." The hero himself says as he walks into the room, unknowingly walking into the lion's den.

"Chad, I swear to God, if you don't leave this room, I will kill you with this tweezer." Glaring at him with hate she's never felt before, Chad is thoroughly frightened and leaves the room without a word.

Luke laughs breathlessly, "And here I thought you two were getting along."


End file.
